Tonight I was thinking about alternate universes. Tonight I was thinking about a universe where everything is the same except you are alive.
I thought about what I would do if I could travel to that universe - would I stay?
I would tell other-me, though, I would tell her how much I miss you and how she should be grateful for every extra day she has with you and how she should make the most of them. We never know when we are going to run out of days.
I would probably ask for one more day with you, too. One more day with brunch and shopping and you doing my makeup and us drinking too much at the Merc. One more day.
It would not be enough - I wanted so many days with you, days until we were old and senile and still friends. I wanted all of your days.
But because I cannot have them, because you are gone, I think of other universes. In some we have never met, in some you are dead, in some I am dead, in some either or both of us were never born (in one we are cats, I suspect, and that is a great universe).
But here is the truth of me - in every universe where I know you, I love you. In every universe where I have lost you, I miss you. In every universe where we are still together, you make my life better.
I comfort myself with that thought - that across time and space so many Rebeccas can still have one more day with so many Clares.